


Selcouth

by Jinkisducklings



Category: SHINee
Genre: Childhood Friends, Eventual Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:41:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26210581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinkisducklings/pseuds/Jinkisducklings
Summary: For as long as Minho has known Jinki, his voice had always been a defining factor of his being. Neither are sure who the man will be if he loses it forever.
Relationships: Choi Minho/Lee Jinki | Onew
Comments: 5
Kudos: 32
Collections: Summer of SHINee Round 2





	Selcouth

**Author's Note:**

> First, This is for summer of shinee, prompt 81 which was, After undergoing vocal polyp surgery, Jinki isn't allowed to speak. While putting on a brave face, he feels lonelier than he expected. Minho helps him see the light in any way he can.
> 
> I had many plans for this, but life happened. I do hope this is still enjoyable and I do plan on revisiting it at a later date <3
> 
> Second, Selcouth means Strange, unusual, rare; unfamiliar; marvelous, wondrous. I decided to go with the unusual and unfamiliar, to eventually, Marvelous

The crisp winter air blew against his thick coat as Minho strode down the pavement toward his best friend’s apartment building. The gift bag swung gently, the handles cutting into the leather of his gloves, and he flexed his fingers to return some of the feeling into them. Between the chilly weather and the slight cold he was coming down with, Minho’s nose was bright red as he sniffled underneath his mask. Whatever it was, he hoped it got over with rather quickly. With the deadline coming soon for the next book, talking with his editor about upcoming fan encounters, and signing a few copies of his previous editions, his next couple months were packed full. But that all could wait for now. For he had a gift to deliver to his best friend.

No matter how many times Jinki got cast in a musical or play, Minho kept up the tradition of getting him a gift. He had started in high school when Jinki got the lead in his junior year spring musical. Through them going to separate schools for college, he sent them in the mail. And yet, every time Jinki was just as surprised to get the gift as he was the first time. It was rather cute if Minho thought about it. One would think after being friends for so long and having the gift-giving tradition, that Jinki would learn to almost expect it. Then again it was Jinki, who still had his day made by the little mints Mr. Jung always gave him every morning.

He pushed open the swirling door of Jinki’s apartment building and dusted his chest and hat free of snow with his free hand. The doorman smiled as he stepped in from the drizzle of snow falling outside. “Hello, Mr. Jung.” 

The lobby had a few people going about their days in the late afternoon, but Minho paid them no mind as he approached the older man. The doorman removed his hat with a sigh, shaking his head with a fond smile. “How many times must I tell you to call me Yunho, Minho?”

“About as many times as you had to tell Jinki.” 

“Forever it is then.” Yunho chuckled before gesturing to the voice box behind him. “Do you want me to notify him you’re here?” 

“No thank you. I want it to be a surprise.” He lifted his dark blue gift bag with a big grin. “He landed  _ Singing in the Rain _ and I have a gift for him.”

“Ah, yes. The gift-giving tradition,” The older man smiled warmly, before sighing, “He needs a good surprise I think.”

The tone of Yunho’s voice brought Minho up short, “What do you mean?” 

“He came home late this morning and he looked completely out of it. I thought he might have failed an audition he really wanted. He refused my mint.” 

Jinki hadn’t said anything during their text messages throughout the day. Minho knew that he had gone to the doctor this morning about the pain in his throat, but if it was something serious he was sure his friend would have told him about it already. Right? “Mm, thanks again, Mr. Jung.” 

The elevator smelled like vanilla faintly and there was an older lady with a small dog sitting at her feet. Minho grinned at them both before wiggling his fingers at the pup. Their tongue was sticking out, panting softly as the tail switched against the smooth floor of the elevator. A few floors up the lady and her canine exited the lift. Minho leaned against the nicely wallpapered wall and gazed at the way the elevator buttons blinked on and off with each additional level he passed. Finally, the light reached ten and the doors opened. Down the hall to the left, he could almost count the number of steps he had taken this path so many times in various states of mental clarity. He raked his knuckles softly against the door right under the golden number marking it. 

A few moments later the key chain was slid and the door clicked open. Jinki’s mop of dark hair was pushed away from his eyes messily. He flashed a genuine smile, but it didn’t travel to his eyes like normal. Mr. Jung was right, something was off with Jinki. As he entered the familiar apartment, Jinki softly commented, “I didn’t expect to see you today, Ming.” 

“That’d be because it’s a surprise, silly.” He kicked off his shoes and hung his coat and scarf up on the hanger by the door, making sure his gloves were shoved into the pocket. He headed straight into the living room, placing the gift bag on the coffee table, and frowned at the wadded up tissues tossed to one side of it. There was a stack of pillows on one end of the couch and a crumbled up blanket on the other side. He turned when he heard Jinki’s socks shuffling against the rug. The older man slipped past him, climbing onto the couch and immediately pulling the blanket around his shoulders. With a raised eyebrow, Minho softly asked, “Aren’t you going to open it?”

“Whatever it is you should just return it.”

“But you landed  _ Singing in the Rain _ ! Why would I return your gift?” He grinned widely, “It’s tradition.”

Jinki takes a large shuddering breath, eyes fluttering shut as his fingers grip the blanket around him tightly. Minho had known Jinki since middle school when the man’s family moved next door. They had been through everything together, but he could count the number of times Jinki looked this shaken on one hand. His voice was weak when he spoke, eyes slowly opening to make eye contact. “I must give the musical up.”

“What? Why? You worked so hard for this!”

“They’ll be other musicals.” Jinki tries, bless his heart, to smile reassuringly, but all it does is make Minho step closer until he’s sitting between the man and his mound of pillows. 

“Did they choose another actor or something? Mr. Jung mentioned that you seemed off and the tissues and-”

“Because I have vocal polyps Minho!” The strength in Jinki’s voices startles him. A sob rips from the man’s throat, “I may lose my voice forever.”

Minho curls his fingers around the back of Jinki’s neck, hugging him tightly against his chest and pressing a kiss to his hair. Bewildered, and a little bit out of his element, Minho’s relieved when Jinki clings to him. “It’s alright, it’s going to be alright.”

\------

He wasn’t sure how long he held Jinki close while he cried, but eventually, the older man quieted down. He was resting his temple on Minho’s shoulder as they both leaned back against the couch. The papers from the doctor were sprawled out on the table, some poking out from under the still unopened gift bag, and Minho wasn’t sure how he managed to miss that when he arrived. Jinki seemed perfectly content curled up on the couch beside him and Minho found he rather enjoyed the warmth against him. “What are your options?”

“ Only one.” Jinki stirred slightly before settling further up Minho’s shoulder. “Surgery to have it removed. Then a few months of recovering. Either it works and I can sing at the end, or.. Well.”

“Hey, don’t think like that. It’ll work out.”

“It’s...daunting, Minho. Some do everything they’re supposed to and in the end, their voice no longer is what it was.” Jinki’s breathing was shaky, enough to be felt with how close they still were. “I don’t know who I am without my voice.”

Minho swallowed thickly before softly asking, “Did you make an appointment for the surgery?”

“Yeah, six weeks away.”

“Whatever you need, I’ll be here for you, okay?” 

Jinki just quietly laughed and nuzzled his head into Minho’s shoulder. “I never doubted that, Minho.” 

\-----

**_Six weeks Later_ **

Minho was sure that Mama Lee would have rather been here to take care of her son, but Jinki didn’t want her traveling hours to do so. The least Minho could do is talk to her about what was happening. He turned the phone call off and placed his phone on the counter, heading toward Jinki’s bedroom. Sure enough, the man was still curled up sleeping away from the pain medicine he took a few hours before. Bibim was still curled up by his feet, a big dark spot standing sentry at the end of the bed. The doctors stated that Jinki would be out of it for a few days and for him to take it easy. The couch was already made up for Minho to stay the night to help him until he was healed enough to take care of himself. It almost felt like a sleepover, without the secret tellings and trying to steal whiskey from their parents’ alcohol cabinet. 

He took the empty mug on the table by the bed and put it on the dresser. Returning to the mattress he gently sat down to move Jinki’s hair from his forehead, He knew the man had a hard time ahead to recover and then work on his voice from the lack of use the recovery promised. Minho could only imagine how the man felt on the subject, but he couldn’t fully understand his fears. He had never had to worry about losing his passion for writing or his ability for it. Jinki could lose his voice, working in musical theatre, and everything he worked so hard for if this didn’t go well.

Minho promised Jinki he’d help him through this, and he planned to be there always, no matter how hard it got. Jinki’s face scrunched a little, before soothing as Minho moved his hand through his hair again.

\------

**_A month Later_ **

The apartment was dimly lit by the barely open curtains along the living room wall. Other than the late morning light managing to slip through, the space was vacant of any other source of light. More and more the longer Jinki was recovering Minho would come to visit a dark apartment, looking like it was barely lived in. When he placed his keys on the dish by the door Jinki’s keys jingled slightly by his fingers before settling, he kicked off his shoes and hung his coat. Making his way into the nearby kitchen the light was on over the oven, illuminating the space in dim light. There were dishes neatly stacked on one side of the sink, mostly bowls and mugs from his soup and warm teas. Minho made a mental note to do those some time today, but first, it was time to get Jinki out of bed for more than using the restroom and getting something to eat. 

Down the hall, Jinki’s bedroom door was half-open, probably from him softly attempting to kick it close from his last kitchen trip. Minho raked his knuckles gently against the dark wood as he opened it all the way. Jinki should know he was coming, as he had almost every day for his lunch break, but he didn’t want to spook him too much. “Jinki? You decent?” 

Minho pulled his phone out from his back pocket when he heard it ding. 

**_Jingles:_ ** _ Am I ever truly decent anymore, Ming? _

Squinting slightly, Minho could make out the soft glow of Jinki’s phone through his dark blue comforter, which he was currently huddled under in a small ball. There was a cup of what Minho assumed was tea on the bedside table beside him. His laptop was pushed against the wall on the floor under the window, charging light blinking slowly. Very faintly he could hear the rumbles of Jinki’s cat and it wasn’t until he sat softly on the edge of the bed he realized the feline was in the cocoon with his friend. “You know that’s not what I meant.” 

A little movement in the cocoon resulted in another gentle ding from his phone 

**_Jingles:_ ** _ What can I do for you? _

“Let me see your face for one.” Jinki let out a deep sigh before reluctantly, the blanket was removed from over his head. His eyes were narrowed, hair a mess on top of his head, and cheek red with marks from his pillow. Minho grinned, “There you are.” 

His eyebrows moved into a scowl as he lifted his phone up to see it from the blanket. Once he was done, the phone was lowered once again. 

**_Jingles:_ ** _ Bite me, Mr. Sunshine _

"That's not on the agenda." 

**_Jingles:_ ** _ what is? _

"A shower and breakfast. I'll tell you more after, Stinky." 

**_Jingles:_ ** _ I DO NOT STINK _

After sniffing himself a moment later another text message was sent. 

**_Jingles:_ ** _ alright maybe you have a point _

Minho shook his head and smiled as the cat’s head popped out of the cocoon. Slowly he moved his hand closer, fingers loosely curled in as he let the cat realize he was about to touch him. Bibim purred quietly as he headbutted Minho’s incoming hand, stretching his back as he did so. “Hello, sweety. Did you have a nice nap?” 

He gave Jinki a little glance as his phone dinged again but still picked it up from the mattress where he had placed it. 

**_Jingles:_ ** _ I had a good nap too if you wanted to know _

“The red marks on your face tell me that just fine.” Jinki rolled his eyes before wiggling out of his cocoon and across the bed toward the bathroom. Minho snorted when he realized the man only had on one slipper as he shuffled into the attached bathroom. He picked up Bibim and giggled when the cat rubbed his head on his chin. “Yes, sweetie, you’re dad is very strange indeed.” 

\-------

Minho had just finished making a new cup of tea for him when Jinki came shuffling into the kitchen. A few drops of honey were stirred in as well as a little bit of milk before the dark blue mug was placed on the island in front of the man. He eyed the drink suspiciously before delicately taking a small sip, humming happily as the warm beverage coated his throat. He slipped onto the stool near him and held the cup between both of his hands, smiling slightly as his eyes slipped close and he breathed in the sweet aroma of the tea. Minho found himself leaning back on the counter, arms across his chest, softly gazing over at his friend as he found a specific kind of bliss in his mug of tea. 

His hair was neatly combed from his forehead, small drops of water falling down his skin with how the strands were still a bit damp. There was a soft, cream-colored sweater on his frame, and dark jeans tight against his legs. It was such a contrast to what Minho was used to seeing the man in over the last month or so, all the pajamas and boxers, but it was so nice as well. Bibim meowed loudly, announcing his arrival to the kitchen, and plopped back on his butt right in front of his food bowl at the end of the island. Minho froze when he heard Jinki’s soft, quick breaths, realizing slowly he was laughing. He blinked, trying to remember the last time he saw his friend laugh and his heart ached when he realized he couldn’t recall. 

Before Jinki could let go of his tea, Minho spoke up, "I got him." 

At one point in time, Minho wasn't as intimate with Jinki's kitchen layout or where he kept his cat food, but over the last couple weeks, his familiarity had grown. A few weeks ago Minho figured out that Jinki had moved his container of cat food from the cabinet just left of the sink to the floor of his pantry. There he also kept his litter and a canvas bag full of toys, stuffed animals, and beds Bibim wasn’t currently using. After taking a scoop out, he gently poured it into the cat’s bowl, getting a head butt to his head in thanks. A moment later Bibim was munching away happily. 

When Minho returned the scoop, made sure the container was closed properly, and the door shut he found Jinki softly gazing at him as he tapped his fingers on the side of his mug. Near him was his dry erase board he used when visiting Mr. Jung downstairs or the old lady next door who always came over to give Bibim leftover chicken she made. He moved his sweater covered palm from the cup and picked up his marker, scribbling quickly. When lifted it read, ‘ _ Where are you taking me?’ _

“Breakfast.”

Jinki raised his eyebrows as he used the cap of the marker to erase his question, before looking down to write his reply. ‘ _I_ _ s tea not breakfast?’ _

“You haven’t left this apartment for anything but doctor appointments in weeks.” Minho leaned on his elbows against the kitchen island, flashing a smile as Jinki sighed, “Just trust me and if you really aren’t feeling up to it, I’ll take us home. Alright?” 

Jinki mouthed, okay, before finishing his tea. He slipped his phone into the front of his jeans and went to grab his bag still sitting on the table by the couch from where he placed it from his last doctor’s appointment. When the man returned into the kitchen his backpack was placed on the counter. Minho was just relieved Jinki was willing to trust him without knowing where he was taking him. He had expected to half fight him out of the bed and into the shower with how things had been over the last few weeks. Minho set the empty cup near the sink for later and grinned, “Let’s get going, Jingles.” 

Even with the obvious eye roll, Minho could see the faint beginnings of a smile ghosting over Jinki’s lips as he grabbed his bag and headed toward the front door. 

\-----

Jinki shoved his hands into the front pocket of his jeans, slowly eyeing the front of the small cafe before looking over at Minho as the man threw an arm over his shoulders. “Now this is breakfast.” 

The front door was kept open by a rubber doorstop. The sign propped up outside listed their specials for the day, but Minho was too busy studying Jinki’s expression to notice it. The older man’s eyebrows were slightly furrowed, eyes flicking around the cafe patrons. Even in the early afternoon, most of the tables and outside seating were full, with a steady line. Jinki’s bottom lip was sucked between his teeth, shoulders rising as if trying to hide. “How about you find us a seat, and I’ll order, okay?”

Jinki nodded, slipping through the door and past the line before disappearing around the thick wooden pillar of the entryway. As the line in front of Minho shortened, he caught sight of his friend along the far wall to his right, fiddling with something on the table in front of him. His coat was removed, the dark fabric on his right in the booth. He seemed so small curled in on himself, not lifting his gaze even with all the hustle and bustle happening around him. Minho removed his attention from the older man to look up at the big menu above the front counter. 

By the time he had ordered and the food was put on a tray for him, he found Jinki half turned out of the booth. A woman was standing before him, waving her hands as she talked with a huge smile on her face. Anyone else would think Jinki was happy, but Minho could tell around the eyes the encounter was exhausting and slightly sad. The woman’s hands lowered as Jinki lifted his phone. Jinki’s eyes lit up when he noticed Minho approaching. He caught the next thing the woman spoke. “I heard about the surgery from a news release. I was really looking forward to seeing you in  _ Singing in the Rain.” _

Minho couldn’t read what Jinki had said before the phone was pulled down again so he could respond. Just as he was placing the tray on the table, smiling as the woman noticed him, Jinki signed the playbook offered to him with a little grin before the woman was thanking him and disappearing into the crowd. The curious eyes around them slowly drifted back to their own food and conversations. Some lingered for a few moments, but eventually, they looked away. Jinki deeply sighed as soon as he was relatively alone, leaning back into the booth. The smile pulling on his face was soft and fond, eyes blinking slowly. “I hope you like bacon and egg sandwiches.” 

Jinki’s eyebrows rose as he grabbed one of the brown paper wrapped sandwiches, unwrapping it and centering it on paper. The cheese was melting off the side, oozing onto the parchment, Jinki gingerly picked it up and took a small bite. With one hand, he gave a small thumbs-up, swaying as he chewed and Minho knew the man enjoyed it. He mentally put a point on his, ‘Get Jinki feeling better’ list before picking up his own sandwich.

\------

The aquarium wasn’t as busy as Minho thought it might have been when they arrived. Jinki didn’t look convinced as they handed their tickets over to the front worker. “Don’t look at me like that.”

As they rode down the escalator to the start of the aquarium, Jinki pulled his phone out to text, Minho’s phone dinging quietly. 

**_Jingles:_ ** _ Like what? _

“Like you think this is a silly idea.” Jinki bumped his shoulder, but he was giving a little smile and that was enough for Minho to drop the subject. At the end of the escalator, there was a photographer quick to point them to the green screen hung on the wall. Minho grinned and tugged Jinki over by his wrist. After wrapping an arm around his waist to tug him close, he rested his head on Jinki’s. “Smile, Jingles.”

There was a small flash before they were handed a small card to give to a worker later to find their photo later. With a small thanks, they headed down the hallway toward the first tanks of fish. They were full of small, fresh river fish, swimming and darting quickly through the slightly murky water. Jinki pushed his glasses further up on his nose and stopped to read the information to the right of the tank. Minho just shook his head and focused on the fish. Of course Jinki would return back to his bookworm self the moment there was information to learn. Sure, they could move on, but Jinki was acting interested in something other than his cat and sleep so Minho wasn’t going to rush him.

\-----

Minho had two favorite parts of the aquarium, The first was the tunnels that went under the tanks, surrounding them with a beautiful different perspective of the large fish and shark tanks. The second was the penguin exhibit, with the deep end for them to dive into on one side. Minho stepped off the conveyor belt on the floor to slowly look out into the left side of the tank. Jinki was aiming his polaroid camera that his mother had gotten him for his birthday, focusing intently. It took Minho a minute to realize he was following the sea turtle moving through the water slowly. His finger clicked the button and a moment later the photo shot out. Jinki shook it before lifting it up toward his face. A grin was plastered to his face as he pushed it towards Minho. 

He took in gingerly. The photo turned out clearer than he Minho expected it to be. When he went to return the photo Jinki was typing something on his phone, the blue glow over his face replaced with a white one of his screen. Before he could ask anything about it, Jinki was putting his phone back into his pocket and holding out both of his hands. His right hand was a fist with his thumb on top and his left was resting over it, his thumb sticking out from the front. There was such a bright smile on his face as he held up his hands even further, eyes twinkling almost. Startled with how beautiful Jinki was to him right then, it took him far longer to connect the dots. “Is that the sign for Turtle?”

Jinki’s hair ruffled as he nodded enthusiastically. Once the photo was put in the pocket of his backpack, Minho replicated the sign, giggling when Jinki grinned. The lights from above the tanks filtered such a pretty blue swirling glow over Jinki’s features. When the man turned back to look at the tank, Minho couldn’t make himself look away from his friend. Before he could stop himself, his hand lifted and a loose strand of Jinki’s hair was pushed behind his left ear. Slowly, Jinki turned, eyes wide before softening. His lips were curved up just slightly, warm and sweet, and Minho’s stomach felt like it was full of butterflies. Suddenly Jinki’s gaze was too much and Minho turned away, pretending to focus on the fish in the tank before them and trying to ignore the warmth rising in his cheeks.

\------

The large tank of manta rays was big and bright across the small sitting area. Minho grabbed their tray of food from the concession stand and found Jinki sitting at the bar lining the fence separating the manta rays from the sitting area. Their food was a collection of different fried foods, cheese fries, and soft pretzels. Jinki slurped at his cherry icee, eyes following the manta rays swim lazily through the blue water. The straw is still resting on his bottom lip as he looked down at the food placed before him. His tummy rumbled softly, and Minho snorted. “You get the first choice.” 

As predicted, Jinki went straight for the cheesy fries, using his tongue to bring the pulled cheese hanging from the one he picked up into his mouth. Minho shook his head with a fond little chuckle as he grabbed one of the hamburgers. He had to admit the rays were rather soothing to watch as they ate. Soon all that was left were the cinnamon soft pretzels. Jinki was doing something on his phone and out of the corner of his eye, Minho saw he was texting his mother. That’s good, she had been really worried about him during their last phone call that past weekend. “Tell Mom I said Hi.” 

Jinki rolled his eyes, but his thumbs began to move again. A moment later he pushed his phone over with two fingers to make it slide across the small distance between them.

**_Ma:_ ** _ Oh you’re with Minho! That’s so good please tell him I look forward to our phone call coming up _

Jinki took the phone back, typing away, and then a ding was heard followed quickly by another.

**_Jingles:_ ** _ You talk to my mother? _

**_Jingles:_ ** _ About what? _

“She was worried about you for the first two weeks when you wouldn’t return her text messages, so she reached out to me.” Minho stared down at his half-eaten pretzel before sighing. “We just talk about how you’re doing. She gave me a soup recipe to make you. Things like that.” 

**_Jingles:_ ** _ I talk to her now _

“You’ve been having a hard time since you learned about the surgery, and I understand that, but,” He took a deep breath before finally looking over at Jinki. “I know you don’t talk to her about how you really feel or how you’re really doing. It was either talk to her or she’d show up on your front doorstep.”

A very long moment passed before Jinki’s thumbs slowly tapped at his phone.

**_Jingles:_ ** _ We better get going. They close soon _

Even before Minho finished reading the text message, Jinki was slipping off his stool with his trash held neatly in his hands. By the time Minho caught up he was waiting by the opening near the penguins, leaning against the wall with his arms over his chest and eyes glazed over as he stared toward the opposite wall. He mentally took away the point on his ‘Get Jinki feeling better’ list before joining the man.

\-----

The dishwater was warm against his hands, soap suds slipping down his arms, bristol brush moving over the plate in the sink. He could hear Jinki moving around in other parts of the house. Minho knew he needed to talk to him, address what happened at the aquarium, but he also knew that the man would come to him when he was ready to talk. With the last plate set on the drying rack, Minho let the water out and wiped off the counter around the sink. Once his hands were also dried off, the towel was hung on the oven. He grabbed his beer from the island and flipped the light off on his way out of the kitchen.

Jinki was curled up on his couch, Bibim spread out on his lap. The record player on the bookshelf was softly playing, a book was open on the arm of the couch, and his glasses were back on his face. Minho gently sat on the other side of the couch, flashing a smile when Jinki looked up at him. “What’cha reading?”

He lifted the left side of the book to show the cover with a ghost of a smile on his face. Reflecting back at Minho was the most recent book in his ongoing series and not the signed copy that he had given his friend when it came out. “Did you buy that?” Jinki nodded as he returned to the book. Eventually, he returned his bookmark and put the closed book on the table to his right. “Why did you buy it? I know I gave you one.” 

Jinki picked up his whiteboard and quickly scribbled, ‘ _ You did. It’s on my bookcase.’ _

“So why did you buy one?” 

‘ _ I didn’t want to mess up the signed one.’ _

“I could give you another copy.”

Jinki softly tapped his fingers on the edge of the whiteboard, pen held between his teeth. Bibim stood up with a slight stretch, taking a few steps to climb into Minho’s lap. He was too busy greeting the black and grey cat, he failed to notice Jinki tapping on his phone. Minho looked over when Jinki’s hand fell on his knee. There was a flurry of dings from his cell phone and with a raised eyebrow, Minho picked it up to read.

**_Jingles:_ ** _ I’m sorry about how I acted earlier _

**_Jingles:_ ** _ Thank you for talking to my mom. I know she’s worried for me, I just couldn’t… It’s hard talking to her about how I feel. I know she’s worried and I don’t want her to be, you know? _

**_Jingles:_ ** _ Especially since I’m not sure how I feel. _

**_Jingles:_ ** _ Scared, worried, anxious. Sometimes it’s so hard to get out of bed. If it wasn’t for Bibim, I don’t think I would most days. _

**_Jingles:_ ** _ And that scares me you know? I felt myself slipping, each day I spent more and more time in bed, and I know it’s bad but I can’t stop myself. There’s like this… boulder over my head reminding me I could lose my voice forever, threatening to drop at any minute. _

**_Jingles:_ ** _ Like it’s inevitable, so what’s the point of getting out of bed and trying? It all seems pointless. I feel so alone Minho and I know you come over every day, I know you clean up for me and I’m so thankful for that, but then you go home and I’m left here with my thoughts.  _

**_Jingles:_ ** _ I don’t want to be alone. A part of me regrets not going home. _

**_Jingles:_ ** _ Thank you for today. It was really nice. _

“I think you should talk to someone about how you feel, Jinki. Whether it’s me or a therapist. You shouldn’t keep all that bottle up.”

**_Jingles:_ ** _ I know _

Jinki’s phone slipped into his lap, head hung slightly as he curled more into himself. His shoulders were gently shaking and it wasn’t hard to put the pieces together and know he was trying so hard not to cry. “Please come here.”

He looked up with wide eyes, tears on his cheeks, and bottom lip sucked between his teeth. After a moment, he wiggled closer to settle against Minho’s side. “You’re doing everything you can to get your voice back. You just need a little bit of hope, no matter how long it takes you to feel like you can.”

\-----

Slowly as the days passed, Minho would come to visit and find Jinki a little further away from the curled up cocoon he’d always used to be found in. Eventually, he’d be dressed in more than his boxers, clean from his shower, and ready to do whatever he put his mind to for the day. Minho put it towards the therapist he had gotten in touch with over an app through his phone, but also Jinki’s willingness to accept his mental health was important too. Today Jinki had taken him by the wrist and immediately tugged him out of the apartment, barely stopping at all except to say hello and goodbye to Mr. Jung standing at his desk.

Minho softly smiled as the now-familiar sight of the cafe came into view. The same little one he brought Jinki in before their trip to the aquarium. It had become a sort of routine for them to have brunch in the back corner booth together, Jinki doodling little notes on his napkin to make it more interesting than texting with his phone. The front cashier who always seemed to be working when they came in had even managed to learn their orders in the last two weeks of them constantly coming in. 

Jinki was currently sipping at his tea, eyes closing as his breathing slowed and he swayed just a bit. The warm feeling in Minho’s chest was back as he watched Jinki’s little bit of mundane happiness. It was the same feeling he felt at the aquarium under the tanks and Minho wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He was in a bit of denial about what the feeling reminded him of because he was not getting fuzzy, romantic feelings for his best friend no matter how similar the feeling felt. Maybe it was just pleasant heartburn or something. While he knew logically that was not a thing, it was better than confronting the possibility his feelings for Jinki were evolving. He wasn’t ready for that revelation just yet. 

So instead, he picked at his sandwich, only stopping when Jinki’s napkin was pushed into his line of sight.

‘ _ You have a book signing tomorrow, right?’ _

“Yeah, at the library downtown. Why?”

Jinki scribbled quickly, a slight frown on his face as he pushed it back. ‘ _ That means we can’t come here.’ _

“We can come after. For a very late lunch.”

While nothing else was written, a grin was back on Jinki’s face so Minho counted that as a win.

\-------

As much as Minho enjoyed meeting and interacting with his fans, after a while the whole encounter was a special kind of exhausting. His hand felt a little cramped from all the personal messages and signatures that had come through the line all morning. Luckily, he could finally see the end of the line. A young woman with a large blue bow on her ponytail stepped closer, handing him her brand new full set of the original trilogy. “I’m so happy I managed to get a ticket to this.”

“First time?”

She nodded rapidly, “I’ve tried ever since the first book came out, but it’s so hard to nab one.”

“Well, it’s nice to finally meet you….”

“Oh, Taeyeon. My name is Taeyeon Lee.” 

“Nice to meet you Taeyeon.” He pulled the cap from his marker off with a smile as he gestured to the box set. “Where would you like me to sign?”

“Oh, the last book please.” With a little wiggling, the book popped free. He had just opened the cover and started to figure out what he wanted to say when the woman’s voice was heard again. “May I ask a question?”

“Of course.”

“I’ve always pictured Lejin to look much like the broadway star Jinki Lee. Was that on purpose or am I just connecting my two passions?” 

Minho’s hand froze just above the soft pages of the new book, staring as the words of the title page began to blur. He could admit certain things about the main character he had taken from his best friend, but a lot of writers took inspiration from those around them. It wasn’t that much of a big deal, so why did the realization that Lejin was the spitting image of his friend in the context of his story made his stomach feel like it was in his throat? He managed to swallow thickly and return to finishing his signature before replying as calmly as he could. “He is my best friend, so I suppose there might be some characteristics that are similar.”

“Whoa, you’re friends with Jinki Lee?”

The book made a soft thud as it was closed and slid back into the collective box. He softly smiled with a nod. “I am.”

“That’s wicked.” She held her books close to her chest and managed to wave with one hand. “Goodbye, Mr. Choi.” 

\-----

The traffic to Jinki’s place was so bad the interstate was practically a parking lot. His publicist had been adamant about him having a personal driver to and from official appearances. Usually, he rather hated the idea of being driven around, but with how quick and swirling his thoughts were he was relieved he wasn’t behind the wheel right then. 

Over the last almost five years he had worked on the  _ Story of Light _ series almost constantly. He knew his characters like the back of his hand, or at least he had thought so until the young woman at the book signing asked him such a simple question. He felt almost stupid for not putting it all together sooner by himself. The main character’s name was Lejin, bits of Jinki’s name smooshed together. He loved to sing, his power throughout the story growing and developing around how he worked with his voice. He loved puns and sweet treats, a book worm who always kept more scrolls on his person than he logically should travel with. He was warm and kind, brightened up the room no matter where he was.

All things that Jinki so beautifully was. 

The part of it all that had Minho’s mind completely reeling was the growing romantic relationship between the two main characters. He had begun to create Milo when he was 15, building him up from the ground to be everything he wasn’t during the most questioning time of his identity he had been through. While over the years that first draft had changed, Minho hadn’t forgotten that Milo was based on himself. All he could think about was what if he made the two characters based on them fall in love with inspiration from his own deep, ignored feelings.

If Minho was honest with himself he had known exactly what the warmth in his chest meant when he looked at Jinki. He was falling in love with his friend, if not already too far gone to stop himself from sliding too far in. While his books were fiction, he couldn’t deny how true the inspiration to them was.

Now, he just had to figure out how to quiet his thoughts and manage to get through lunch with Jinki. He couldn’t tell him how he felt. His friendship to Jinki was much too important to risk. Besides, the man had gone through so much the last few months and wasn’t even out of the woods just yet. It would be entirely wrong of Minho to dump a love confession on top of it all.

\-----

**_Jingles:_ ** _ How was the signing? _

This late in the day, instead of his bacon and egg sandwich he had gone for the club sandwich. He picked at the lettuce falling from the cut in his sandwich and tried to ignore the panic rising in his chest. “It was alright. Very long, but I enjoyed it.”

**_Jingles:_ ** _ Are you alright? You seem out of it _

“Yeah. Just tired.” Jinki huffed, gently knocking his foot against Minho’s shin to get his full attention. When he lifted his gaze, Jinki’s glare was waiting for him. “What? I’m fine.”

**_Jingles:_ ** _ I’ve known you too long to now know something is bothering you, spill _

This was a big mistake, one that he knew he’d regret as soon as it occurred, but he also knew that Jinki wouldn’t leave it alone until he heard the truth. Minho took a deep breath before replying, “Did you know Lejin was based off you?”

The quick breaths made Minho squint. Jinki was laughing at him in his own way as he replied.  **_Jingles:_ ** _ Is that what’s got you so worked up? I’ve known that since book two. _

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

**_Jingles:_ ** _ I wasn’t bothered by it. I’m flattered really. Lots of people love that character. _

“It’s not just that. Milo is based on me, you know?” Jinki quickly nodded, a kind smile curved on his lips as he intently listened. “Have you finished book five?”

**_Jingles:_ ** _ I have. It’s very good. _

“And you’re perfectly okay with the characters falling in love?” 

The confusion was evident in the way Jinki’s brows furrowed and his thumbs paused over the keyboard of his phone. When he finally pushed send, Minho didn’t want to read it. He wanted to run away and hide for the next week.

**_Jingles:_ ** _ Should I? It’s just a story, Minho. _

The little bit of hope that he held in his heart that Jinki could possibly feel the same way about him shattered with those simple little words. With a shuddered breath, he whispered. “What if it’s not?” 

Jinki’s hand was warm as it reached out to curl around his arm, but his eyes were too warm and kind for Minho to look at. He couldn’t handle Jinki looking at him with such vivid concern. “I think I’m in love with you Jinki. I think for a long time and I don’t want to lose you as a friend because I know you don’t feel the same way about me.”

Minho squeezes his eyes shut as Jinki slowly withdrawals his hand. He only opens them and looks after a deep breath. He can’t read Jinki’s expression through the blurriness of his tears and the panic rising in his chest, the fear. The man’s phone remains resting on the table in front of him, his hands out of view in his lap, and his mouth slightly open as his tongue darts out to wet his lips. It was a loud enough message, Jinki didn’t need to reply with words. “I’m sorry, just forget I said anything. I’ll.. see you later.”

Before he could be an even bigger fool, he slipped from the booth and turned on his heel, ignoring the dings of his cellphone all the way home.

\-----

Minho couldn’t bring himself to go over to see Jinki. He had sent a few messages, trying very hard to ignore any mentions or attempts to bring the cafe conversation back up. He wasn’t emotionally ready to read in vivid detail that rejection or receive it face to face. Granted, deep down he knew he could never truly be ready for such a thing, but he had to tell himself something to excuse this ignoring behavior. It’s just over a week of somehow managing to bypass that particular confrontation when there’s a knock at his door. Peeking through the peephole had his heart up in his throat because standing there was Jinki. There was a ding from his phone in his pocket and he cursed. Another one popped in a moment later caused him to finally open his phone. 

**_Jingles:_ ** _ Open up Minho, please. We need to talk _

**_Jingles_ ** _ : I know you’re in there I can hear your phone. _

**_Jingles_ ** _ : Please. _

His hand was on the doorknob when he took one final breath, eyes fluttering close before he finally turned his hand and pulled the door open. Jinki’s face was illuminated in the soft glow of his cellphone screen as he looked up, a bright smile pulling on his lips when they locked eyes. “Listen, Jinki I understand if-”

“I love you.” The sound of Jinki’s soft voice after so many weeks makes Minho freeze immediately, so much it takes him even longer to process what the words he said were. Jinki huffed through his nose, fingers twisting in the front of his sweater as he looked up at him. “I wanted to say it.” 

It was obvious he hadn’t said much, if at all, by how quiet his voice was. Minho knew he should say something, anything, but he couldn’t make his voice work. He opened his mouth a few times, eyes slowly blinking. His jaw snapped close as Jinki’s fingers curled in the collar of his shirt, tugging him down to a kiss. It was like an override for his mind to start working again, and quickly his hands were coming up to touch Jinki. One on his jaw the other on his waist as he deepened the kiss. When they parted, their foreheads were pressed together, breathes mingling as Minho softly laughed, “I love you too.”

They had a lot to talk about. From their feelings, the misunderstanding at the diner, to how Jinki was vocally talking to him once again. All that could wait just one more minute as Minho stole another kiss, Jinki’s fingers tightening on the fabric of his shirt and melting into him. For now, that’s all Minho could think about. Jinki was kissing him after admitting he loved him too. How could he ever think of something less marvelous? 


End file.
